Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
