she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
