The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
