so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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