Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
