Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
