Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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