just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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