You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
