Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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