I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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