we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
