And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
