I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
