I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
