He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
