cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
