I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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