my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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