I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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