so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize