win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
