she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
