im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
