pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I could make wine with my vomit
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
