At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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