Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
