i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
50% drunk capacity currently
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
