I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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