I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
