who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
i out mim tonsoeep
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
