i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
