don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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