This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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