Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
