my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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