bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
