A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
