Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
we're so committed to being not committed
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
