She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize