I cockslap morals
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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