She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
