I want to walk on stilts...naked
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
