I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
