I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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