We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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