At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
