guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
