That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I looked at my own cervix.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize