Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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