guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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