I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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