I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
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