I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
