it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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