My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
