Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
