areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I will pee on everything he values.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
