i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
