Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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