Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I party with great urgency now.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
