Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
