I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
