Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
