apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
