dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We have started to decorate penises.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
