At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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