eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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