Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
