Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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