you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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