So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
