I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
