My liver just broke up with me...
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
