my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
40s are totally the cure
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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