i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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