so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
