i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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