Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
