P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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