I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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