It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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