oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
time to smoke my breakfast
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
