May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
