have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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