Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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