Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
