Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
