I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
