Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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