booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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