Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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