He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
