Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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