Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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