We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
