I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
