Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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