when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
