It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
