Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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