Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize