sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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