Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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